Excerpt From The Book of Vivian—Growing Pangs Pain—No Hurts Works

Some people have Arrogant Minds,  Arrogant Hearts, and are Full of Themselves and their Own Ideas.  To them, there is No Evil to Hate. That’s what you call living in Blind Reality—No Evil To Hate—Perfect Folks in a world where no one is perfect.  Those folks certainly do not have a problem hearing Yes.  They do not know much about hearing no.

There’s a saying, if you say yes to everything, you stand for nothing.  People who decide to take a stand start by saying  NO!  

No to folks who have only heard yes from them.  The folks know the poor souls saying yes are dying from disgrace.  Do they care?  No!   How do I know? 

Because I Was There.

I can’t help you if it’s killing me.  I’ve spent most of my life absorbing other folks’ giv’ me, giv’ me, energy—doing for them instead of doing for me.  I help friends in despair.  Friends help me to see how stupid I am.  I do all the work and they laugh at me.  The money starts flowing.  I expect respect.  The respect—the sound of the phone ringing.  I answer. 

“I don’t need your mind, your eyes, or ears.  Your legs are cut off.  I don’t need you anymore,” friend says without stuttering, “Didn’t think I could keep my mouth shut.  Money flows.”

I felt my stomach coming up.  I wasn’t hurt because she had money.  I worked hard to help her get it.  Then another human being who thought she was better than me, more talented than I as a writer, said to me, “God told me to give you a computer.” 

Mine, torn up by ingrates, was I susceptible?    The God told me to give you a computer lady said, “I am your next project.  I need you to do what I can’t do.  I am the writer.  So that’s what I do.  I write.  I need you to do some computer work for me and all of my running.”

“No.” I told her face-to-face.  

She did not like it.  Anger in the air.  I just couldn’t do it anymore. I am my own project and I have my own projects.  What!  An escort to the door.  I cried all the way home. Then it hit me.  Growing Pangs Pain—No Hurts.  I stood for something—Me.   I said yes to me.  I didn’t fall for anything.

That was the beginning of my epiphany.  I can’t walk around with a “help yourself to me” attitude.  Do abused people understand we deserve better—in fact—the best?   We survive in turbulence—misery—because that is all we know.  Saying No hurts, but it’s our comfort zone—though we are very uncomfortable.  At least to the people we want to please.  No became a powerful word for me.  Every time I say it, I am empowered.  I say it to the right people.   I am standing for me, myself, I, Vivian, and The Ms. V. 

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No……and the No’s win.   I didn’t get the computer that God told her to give. 

I received two—a desktop and a laptop.  All I had to say was thank you.  The people who gave them to me were both very beautiful people with high-self-esteem.  One knew writing was my life-line.  She said, “I had to keep you alive.”   The other is just kind.  I talked.  I didn’t realize I was being heard.   

What is the lesson?  Growing Pangs Pain—No Hurts Works.

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